Last week was a pretty intense week, and at the beginning of this week I think I was still recovering and processing stuff that the Lord was showing me last week. I was relieved to find out that this week’s topic was relationships. How hard can a week on relationships be?
We started the week with a little bit of review (for us DTS students)–Ron (the speaker, from Colombia, MO) drew some diagrams and talked about not putting up walls because it blocks others out, loving your neighbor and being interdependent on the Father, Son & Holy Spirit. Great things to take note of and a crucial foundation to any relationship, romantic or not. In conversation he asked me what I would like to know about relationships. I thought about it for a moment and decided it would be really nice to learn how to unconditionally love annoying people (haha). Ron planned to teach on just that the following day…teaching us how to walk through life with a heart of peace–not judging others–and not becoming focused on the hurt (annoyance) someone causes you. When you start magnifying this you become blinded and distracted from the race.
“You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?”
All of this was great stuff, but still light compared to last week.
I spoke to soon,but before I can share what happened next I feel like I need to backtrack a little bit…
Earlier this year I went to an Encounter weekend where I discovered an ungodly belief I carried: Somewhere in my life I decided to make a general belief about men, that they were destructive beings and not worth my trust. I believed that the only role men played in my life was to hurt, abandon or abuse. This was due to past Father figures, boyfriends and other authority figures. The Lord started healing this just this year, he brought some amazing brothers into my life and started opening my eyes to the beauty of his sons. He opened my eyes and showed me that when I expect men to fail and believe that they are destructive I am calling Gods sons less than who they are; they are sons of the kingdom! Full of worth and great inheritance!
Fast-forward to Wednesday Ron gets in front of the class and shares a heart-breaking story about a young girls road to restoration after she had been attacked by a man. Ron told us that the Lord asked him in that situation to get on his face in front of this girl and speak the words of the Father: ” This was not my will for you. Here I come humbly to you.” Ron then stood in the gap and asked for forgiveness on behalf of the attacker.
By the end of the story I, along with most everyone was tearing up and I wasn’t prepared for what was coming next. Ron turns and addresses the girls in the room and begins to tell us that he wanted to stand in that gap for us; he wanted to apologize and ask for forgiveness in place of the men who had damaged and hurt us. He came to us and got down on his knees took all the weight of other men’s wrong doings in our lives..and asked for forgiveness. Oh my heart….
Throughout last week I felt as though my heart was going to burst, it was actually painful. And although I did receive breakthrough, it wasn’t enough to feel a release in my heart; but in this moment my heart finally burst and sweet refreshing water was finally able to flow in. There is so much more building up to this moment, but some of it is a little to personal to share on the world-wide web.
I think the main thing was the realization that by me holding onto the hurt…constantly saying “but this person hurt me!” as a subconscious excuse to not fully forgive, it was making my heart ache–and distracting me from the race.
Oh sweet release.
We then moved onto marriage and love…oh joy joy.
The teaching was a little more on the open dialogue side…and I think he had a great answer to the question of whether or not God tells us who are future spouse is: he pointed out that God can’t promise you something that requires someone elses free-will–brilliant. He may on the other hand say “this would a good one.” while nudging and winking at you. :)
What I got out of what he had to say was basically every love story is going to be unique and different, that’s the beauty of it. It’s just wise to make sure your mind, spirit and emotions are all balance–and although God may not be clearly saying “this is the one” still be in counsel with Him. You and your love could completely feel as though you got a divine word that confirmed the love you had, it could be full of risk and movie-esque fate moments or it could be something easy flowing like a friendship into marriage. Either way its beautiful.
“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling… Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go… But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from “being in love” — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God… “Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.” -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity.
What a healing, intense and lovely week.